︎︎︎episode 29

2000’s Trends: The Seedy Underbelly: Scammers and Misogynists, The Betryal of the Hipster Grifter, Suicide Girls + The Encyclopedia of Hipster Abusers

Feb 16th, 2021

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Kim + Amanda dig into the seedy underbelly of the hipster culture of the 2000's, discussing The Hipster Grifter, "Ironic Sexism," Suicide Girls, and The Encyclopedia of Hipster Abusers.

︎ TW: This episode includes a lot of frank conversation about physical/sexual abuse and bullying. ︎


So there was a trend of various versions of scams and cons that happened in the aughts - a time period ripe for manipulation especially amongst the hipsters as they valued authenticity. I have three scams that used manipulation of the authenticity that comes with the hipster culture as a means to their own ends. I have a few scam stories lined up over the next few episodes but today i am going to cover the most notorious one - The Hipster Grifter.

Grifter Games

So Kerri Ferrell also known as the Hipster Grifter was/likely still is a criminal, con-artist, swindler, general nuisance and female sexual predator - all dressed in hipster gear who sullied the Hipster name late in the aughts - when it already had a negative consideration from the general public - which is why I think that the press went SO wild - particularly Gawker who couldn’t have been more delighted with this story and its many memes. Any reason to mock or demonize the hipster culture was particularly interesting to so many. Granted we made it rather easy!!

So Kerri Ferrell also known as the Hipster Grifter was/likely still is a criminal, con-artist, swindler, general nuisance and female sexual predator - all dressed in hipster gear who sullied the Hipster name late in the aughts - when it already had a negative consideration from the general public - which is why I think that the press went SO wild - particularly Gawker who couldn’t have been more delighted with this story and its many memes. Any reason to mock or demonize the hipster culture was particularly interesting to so many. Granted we made it rather easy!!

Now I learned about the Hipster Grifter because someone who was scammed or one of their friends and posted a flyer around the neighborhood warning people to stay away from this person. It could have been when she was on the lam -  So before Nextdoor - we had flyers. The flyer had been copied multiple times so it was kinda hard to read but mentioned some details in a long paragraph that even included some of the famous sexual quotes. Honestly, I thought it was a Williamsburg Hipster art or performance piece or something. I was shocked to read about it later and go….hmmm right okay well that’s what that flyer was all about.

Long story short - this woman named Kerri Ferrell shows up at the Vice office in Williamsburg Brooklyn, the “perfect hipster” applying with a bogus and fabricated resume like Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead and getting an admin assistant position- pixie cut, elaborate chest tattoo of a phoenix, AND a tattoo that said I Heart Beards on her back, skinny jeans, encyclopedic indie music taste and knowledge, filthy mouth right in line with raunch culture - the whole kit and caboodle. She was the dream - or so they thought. Cuz as I mentioned she forged all the impressive music promotion jobs on her resume.

Almost immediately - in the span of like a day or two she starts making some trouble for herself at the Vice Office. She proceeds to sexually harass one of her male co-workers, accelerating a casual convo to some serious inappropriate IM messages asking about his whole sexual history. Admittedly he claims his interest peaked but there were a few red flags so he GOOGLED her to find out that she was wanted in Utah! Not just wanted -  she was in fact on Salt Lake City Police Department’s Most Wanted list, wanted on five different warrants, including passing $60,000 in bad checks, forgery and retail theft.

Vice releases an article after the story breaks to the public (which I will get to) called The Department of Oopsies we Hired a Grifter noting that while in Utah ‘she also faked numerous abortions and was run out of town after earning a colorful nickname such as "The Filth."   She tried to get her friends to cash her checks and was trying to convince them that she was a victim of identity theft and her bank account was frozen - so could she cash these checks for her. What a great friend.

About a year before getting a job at Vice she flees from Utah to New York and unknowingly is unleashed onto the hipster community - Obviously, this girl is trouble and has a history of conning people. She is clearly skilled and has exhausted her Utah community as well as being wanted by the law so why not go to a large city and just ‘get lost’?

When she gets to NY almost immediately she was able to manipulate her way into a few circles of friends and a few men’s beds. They interview a few of these guys and she had led a lot of them on - never having money and always needing to borrow money, she claimed her parents were abusive and sometimes fabricating a story that she came to Brooklyn to flee from an abusive boyfriend, she had pregnancy scares, and one of the worst and most used lines was that she horrifically claimed she had lung cancer with only 3 months to live - she would even stage situations were she coughed and what looked like blood was in her hands -  she even went so far as to drag one of the guys to the hospital who couldn't find her information - I mean all of this is just classic bullshitting for empathy likely mixed with some mental illness. Usually what happened was that these guys would fall for the hoax for a period of time and something would clue them and then just check google - which would reveal that she was a scam artist and they would cancel her from their friend group….and she would jump to the next and the next and the next. The lure all these men interviewed said was that she was attractive, warm, and very, very sexually aggressive. Which was also part of the manipulation - she knew all these strange tricks to exploit everyone to get what she wanted - money, attention, whatever. She would have these extremely long conversations with these people - having long conversations with all her friends about things that weren’t real - like her job at Golden Voice that puts on cool festivals and shows.

Her classic move at the bars was to have bartenders pass little notes to guys with really foul sexual innuendos: And some of the most classic quotes that surround the Hipster Grifter come from these notes. “I want to give you a hand job with my mouth,” signed “Korean Abdul-Jabbar.”. At a different bar and a different guy she sent the note: “I want you to throw a hot dog down my hall.” I do want to take a moment and reveal that hipsters commodified this woman and her quotes - to this day you can still buy Hipster Grifter crap like tees online that have these quotes or her I Heart Beards tattoo.

The Observer broke the story and it wasn’t just a little nudge it was an insane feeding frenzy. Three days after the article dropped it generated over 250,000 page views, and well over 1000 comments. She became a fugitive for a few weeks which fueled the fire even more.

So Gawker was THE PLACE to go for Hipster Grifter news - There were for sure quite a few writers covering the topic (mostly men strangely)  Hamilton Nolan is was writer that was working with Gawker at this time period and had a very clear obsession in a great way with the Hipster Grifter. He followed this story so closely - he even shared an apology letter that she sent him that is rather boring and textbook but also alongside a letter that she sent her close friend a few days before continuing the charade that she was in the hospital with cancer and that it spread and she was going to have to have major surgery - all while asking for empathy and compassion post Observer article.  

There was a full-on manhunt and tipster writing in left and right. It was in real-time and the hipster community was outraged. The day that the Observer called out Kerri was probably one of the most exciting times for Hamilton who wrote his first piece asking for tips, stories and sightings. And boy did people deliver. Just when one article was published another was getting published with new stuff that people were submitting. Turns out the Grifter got a lot of action.

People couldn’t get enough of any article featuring their beloved new villain.

There are a few Gawker articles that share descriptions from Keri’s Victims and her actions. One article from Gawker titled  Keri’s Victims Speak Out shares some juicy experiences. The most detailed tip they got was from a guy who says he knew her back in Utah, and that she hasn't changed a bit. His story is below:

“For starters, Kari is a bonafide sociopath. She grew up in South Jordan in one of the many stucco middle to upper-middle-class neighborhoods that emerged overnight in the Salt Lake Valley. She was adopted, had a younger brother (also adopted) who lived with their mother in Arizona. I always felt bad for her dad, Terri. He bore much of the brunt of her frequent damage until he finally Pontius Piloted her out of his life, refusing to help or do anything else to enable her.

I knew Kari when I was 19. One of my favorite Kari-tales goes as follows:

She invited me to go to a midnight showing of The Shining at an art house theatre down the street from me. She had told me she lived downtown, but, for some odd reason, she needed to pick her up in South Jordan 20 miles away in the heart of mouth-breathing Mormondom. Not a problem, I thought. I met her in a parking lot and drove back. On the way, she told me a.) she was a veterinary assistant, b.) while a veterinary assistant she was the victim of racial prejudice and c.) this racial prejudice resulted in her dog being killed by a co-worker. Uh, what? This was a pretty typical sort of chain-lie that Kari would tell, but should show that Kari lied about EVERYTHING, not just select things. I digress. We went to the movie. It was crowded; packed, even. The lights went down and, almost instantly, her clammy hand made way for the Croatian Coast. Yes, right there, in the middle of a crowded theatre. I had hardly known her a week and was sitting in a crowded theatre so I wasn't having it. I pushed her hand away. We sat in silence the rest of the movie and drove home, largely in silence. When I finally dropped her off, she made an attempt at a kiss. Shudder.

Anyway, it was amusing for a minute, but got old real quick when she staged a fake trip to the hospital complete with maudlin, bathos-ridden texts. I had had enough and cut her off. Completely. Nevertheless, every couple of months I would get unsolicited statements like "I joined the Peace Corps and now I'm off to Mozambique" or "I'm having a book of poems published." Ha, fucking ha. In addition to the texts, Kari would invade different circles of friends, triggering their sympathies through a chain of predictable-albeit-unmanaged lies while tempting them with her cool, fictional connections or professions. The scam always worked, for a while anyway. I'm amazed at how many people I meet around the city in the 18-27 range that have been duped by her. The worst, however, was last summer, when Kari had infiltrated a group of friends, against my advice and common fucking sense. She dated one friend, Brandon; but he dumped her when she wound up in jail for, drum roll, check fraud. After Brandon threw her curbside, she made a move for Brian, who requited. During this time, she still maintained that she worked for TicketMaster and totally had connections to national touring acts. The coup de grace came in July came when she told all of them, again, against mine and everyone else's' advice, that she could get them backstage all-access passes to the festival and even arrange to meet Sonic Youth after they played Daydream Nation in its entirety. They all bought, pricey tickets and even gave her some money on the side. The day before they are scheduled to leave, Kari outright disappeared, emerging a week later with some lie about a stolen phone or hospital visit. Brian continued to date her ('cause, you know, masochism totally rawks!) and even posted bail the last and final time she was busted before leaving for Brooklyn to work that totally not-fake TicketMaster job. She broke parole, missed court dates and Brian had to eat the entire hat, $6,000 price tag and all.

I'm not surprised that she repeated the same patterns in Brooklyn. I would almost re-lose faith in humanity if she didn't, actually. I just can't believe how quickly it blew up.

Good luck finding that blood tic.”

Hamilton explores the insane and popular reception to this story in his article Kari Ferrell: Celebulies and Craiglist Hookups

He writes “It turns out there is no news in New York City currently that does not relate to hipster grifter Kari Ferrell! Semi-celebrities and prospective hookups are sending us her ridiculous lies! We're programmed to care. May we indulge in a little amateur psychology?..There are three reasons people have instantly become such voracious consumers of Kari Ferrell news.

“1. She is so much like you or your friends or someone you know. All us young urban cools relate, right? Yes! Just like your neighbor!

2. But yo she was seriously totally psycho. Come on, the frauds and ripoffs or the fake cancer or the fake pregnancies or the other assorted lies would pass for normal one at a time. But all in one place—she was the holy grail of the outwardly cool, inwardly crazy and dangerous person you met at a bar one night.

3. She had the misfortune to perpetuate her fraud in the midst of the most self-absorbed, writing-intensive demographic, and zip code, in all of America. Sucks for her.”

I would add that on part of the hipster community - the community was developed to embrace outsiders and go against the mainstream culture. We built a culture and lifestyle together that embraced a better way of living and in some cases consuming. This was an affront to the community itself - a wolf in sheep's clothing that appropriated the aesthetics but took advantage of the close-knit and supportive people that looked out for one another. I also think that her foul mouthedness and raunch culture over-sexualization was fascinating and provocative - a lure in a time when this was acceptable. It was the ultimate betrayal - we were the superior beings, right? This was an embarrassment to our society and just trashy.

Everyone aired her dirty laundry and a rash of her lies was unearthed. There were naked photos circulating, merch, OK Cupid accounts with different names, her old myspace page - everything was being unearthed and it was not pretty. She was being tarred and feathered publicly and rightly. Redemption and schadenfreude - felt great to the hipsters and the hipster community that was duped.  The townspeople with torches were coming from her and using the internet to take her down.

How was she eventually caught you may ask? Well she was lying to a guy in Philly and his friends alerted him - so he collaborated with the police and lured her to Philly with the promise of going out west on tour with his band. When she showed up they came up and arrested her. She was booked into custody on May 4th, 2009.

Gawker continued to report on any updates on the case - on 5/29  It's Hipster Grifter Extradition Day - about Keri going home to face charges in Utah. On 6/1 an article came out with the title Are Your Children Safe?  about Keri arriving in Utah

She got nine months in jail.  She did a phone call interview with ABC news from jail saying - "As far as this whole story is concerned, I think that the reason it has been such a big deal is because I am pretty, intelligent and very well-spoken," Ferrell told ABC News in a series of phone interviews from jail. "I am charming and funny." Clearly the words of delusion.

Law and Order even came out with an episode featuring her. Her name has been written down in infamy.  

Hipster Mister Misogyny

Well, speaking about scammers...I want to get my segment about hipster misogyny started with a little remembrance of the Suicide Girls.  Now, you know I love a Venn diagram, so imagine this...in one circle we have “Scammers” and in the other we have “Hipster Misogyny.” And the overlapping section is labeled SUICIDE GIRLS.  For those of you who snoozed through this, Suicide Girls was an adult website featuring “alternative” models founded in 2001 by Selena Mooney ("Missy Suicide") and Sean Suhl ("Spooky"). So one female founder.  Now, that does not inherently make Suicide Girls feminist, because as I talked about in the raunch episode, women were doing a lot of objectifying and abuse of women in the mainstream culture.  So this is 100% the hipster version of that behavior.

According to Mooney, the term "Suicide Girl" comes from Chuck Palahniuk's novel 1999, Survivor, in which a character talks about masturbating to the troubles of young girls who look up to him:

“It's the same with these suicide girls calling me up. Most of them are so young. Crying with their hair wet down in the rain at a public telephone, they call me to the rescue. Curled in a ball alone in bed for days, they call me. Messiah. They call me. Savior. They sniff and choke and tell me what I ask for in every little detail. It's so perfect some nights to hear them in the dark. The girl will just trust me. The phone in my one hand, I can imagine my other hand is her.”

Um, just here to say that it’s a really dark book. And it just doesn’t seem very positive or feminist way to start a brand.  She also said that the name comes from the idea that the women who choose to pose for SG are committing “social suicide” by disregaring social noms and expressing their sexuality in such a public way.  The site itself described its models as “the self-described "sorority of badass bombshells and geek goddesses." The site's press page stated, "We consider ourselves the sexiest, smartest, most dangerous collection of outsider women in the world." And to be clear, no matter how “alternative” or “geeky” or tattooed these models were, they were still thin, white, and traditionally attractive.  Just the hipster version of what you would see in Playboy or starring on Rock of Love.

I’m not going to go deep into all of this, because it would take way too long to discuss it all, but I guess I just wanted to remind you of Suicide Girls.  And to mention, that in most cases in the aughts, models were paid anywhere from $50-500 per “photo set” of about 60 photos” and unless these photos were taken by a Suicide Girls staff photographer, the models had to pay for their own photographer, lighting, set, hair/makeup, wardrobe, and editing.  So most women lost money on this.  Meanwhile, the company itself was charging subscription fees that were about $12/month.  They were also selling t shirts, DVDs, stickers, you name it.   Furthermore in 2006, models found that the company was selling off their photo sets to hardcore porn sites.

All in all, it just feels scammy and opportunistic to me.  It’s no  more feminist or progressive than Girls Gone Wild. But it feels empowering because it’s a product of the hipsters? What do you think, Kim?

But it also made me think a lot about this phenomenon of “ironically” demeaning women in the aughts.  Like, someone who was technically a superior to me at the Urban Outfitters store I worked at would call me “slut” in meetings in front of groups of people ALL THE TIME.  And this was a woman.  She sort of acted like she was laughing, but I could hear the cruelty and anger beneath it.  It didn’t feel cool or ironic or like we were reclaiming the word “slut.” I would hear “skank” and “ho” used in the same way by people of all genders and sexual orientations...but it was almost always directed at a woman.  It just never sat well with me. 

There is a great 2012 article from The Cut called “The Age of Hipster Sexism.”   Can we all just agree that there is something incredibly reassuring about finding an article about something that has been bugging you?  It’s like googling your symptoms and determining that it’s just a sinus infection and not cancer or covid.  The writer, Allisa Quart muses, “Hipster Sexism flatters us by letting us feel like we are beyond low-level, obvious humiliation of women and now we can enjoy snickering at it.” She goes on to say, “Like Hipster Racism, Hipster Sexism is a distancing gesture, a belief that simply by applying quotations, uncool, questionable, and even offensive material about women can be alchemically transformed”.

Another great article about this is ‘IRONIC SEXISM: THE MALE GAZE OF HIPSTER SPACES’, By Emma Pitman. 

She cites examples of this excruciating “ironic sexism” all over the place:

“It’s even the well-intentioned, sarcastic jokes that try to suggest how stupid sexism was, unwittingly leaving little space to talk about how stupid sexism still is, because despite being so desperate to appear ‘above’ it, ironic sexism actually has little interest in your experiences within it. It’s about its own image, not your reality. It exploits its awareness for attention, not solidarity. Its eyes glaze over if you start to talk about your experiences, of which there are probably many.” 

So after our first episode about hipsters, I posted a series of stories on instagram discussing how terrible my self esteem was in the early aughts. And how I had been in a series of incredibly abusive relationships (and had abusive encounters) that had really traumatized me. I mentioned that it had all been extremely difficult to process because it was all rooted in the hipster scene around me.  And remember, the conceit of the hipsters is that they are superior to the mainstream culture.  So when bad things would happen to me at the hands of other hipsters, it was very confusing.  I can’t decide I was being gaslighted by the individuals themselves, the scene I was a part of, or if it was just me doing the gaslighting.  But I always felt that it was my fault, that if I weren’t such a defective person, these things wouldn’t happen to me.  I had even mused that perhaps it was just a Portland thing.

I posted all of this in stories...and then went to bed.  I woke up with easily 100 DMs the next morning.  So many friends and acquaintances from all over the country...all recovering hipsters from different cities.

And everyone spoke of this similar “self gaslighting.” That bad things couldn’t have REALLY happened to them because these guys weren’t “classic misogynists,” maybe they were ironically sexist, but not the real deal, right?

Kim and I talked about Dov Charney and Terry Richardson, known abusers of women that somehow got away with it...and it seemed to maybe get away with it because we thought maybe their creepy vibes were ironic? And maybe these guys were just too “hip” to be that terrible  In hindsight, it is very obvious, but irony was (and is) confusing.   Furthermore, if these “leaders” and icons of the hipster culture were actually predators and not at all ironic...then wouldn’t that mean that every hipster dude could be terrible, too?!

In a 2014 article by Eleanor Margolis entitled “Dov Charney, Terry Richardson, and the misogynistic truth about hipster cool”, she writes:

“Charney and Richardson represent an uncomfortable truth about our current conception of coolness. The two men are emblematic of a hipster veneer that’s so often used to cover up the mistreatment of women. In the name of cool, we so often make allowances for men like these. With their 70s porn star aesthetic seems to come this notion that they’re only subjugating women ironically: we’ll carry on buying clothes from people who look like the result of Ron Jeremy humping a copy of Vice. Misogyny is OK, as long as it pastiches a bygone era of kitsch female subjugation; as long as it’s retro. These bizarre double standards are only serving to blur the lines between sexism and chicness.”

Basically...irony was kinda muddling the whole thing. I’m going to talk about irony a lot more in our next hipster installment, because I think it just ruined everything for everyone.  It made it hard to be honest, to trust what people said to you, to really get a read on anything.

As I mentioned, the stories that I was hearing from my friends on instagram really struck me as falling into several different patterns/archetypes, almost as if we had all been dating the same exact men.

So without further ado, I would like to unveil my latest creation….



This guy is outwardly just a progressive wet dream.  Attends socialist meetings, eats a strict vegan diet, and calls himself a feminist.  He occasionally calls out other dudes on their bad behavior with women, but only if he already hated that guy because he’s in a rival band or something.

These guys are frequently an actual fucking nightmare for women.  For one, they will do anything possible to remind you that there is no way in hell you are as woke and political as they are.  Maybe because you work retail or you dress cute.  One guy said he couldn’t take me seriously as an intellectual because I was “too pretty.” Another told me that he could never take someone with pigtails “serious as an intellectual.”

I was involved with two of these guys and it was horrible.  One told me every day that I was ugly, that no one else would ever want me, he hit me, he forced me into sex, and he told everyone that would listen that I was a slut.  Eventually I had to see a lawyer because he was posting really fucked up stuff about me and my best friend on MySpace.  And his vegan, socialist friends FUCKING LOVED IT.

Another guy—an NPR-aholic and self proclaimed “feminist,” encouraged me to starve myself so he could remain attracted to me, locked me in closets when he was angry, forced me into sex, installed spyware on my computer and compared me to a pair of irregular pants at Ross “I couldn’t afford you before you had a kid, but now you’re slightly damaged goods and priced to move.”

Honestly, those two relationships discouraged me from being too involved in politics for a very long time because I was afraid of the men involved in those movements. 

I will say---and this might be upsetting to some people, but bear with me here--that this guy transformed in 2016 to the most ardent Bernie Bros. The guy that would say blatantly misogynist things about Hillary Clinton on Facebook while flaming anyone who dared to admit they were voting for her. These are the guys who said they would rather see Trump win so they could “watch it all burn,” then see Hillary Clinton as president. What they are really saying is racism/sexism/total incompetence is superior to a woman running the show.  And I know--based on stuff these dudes posted on social media--that many of them opted to vote for Trump “just to prove a point.”  I have since deleted them all, but like I said, it has made me apprehensive about getting too involved in any political action group unless that organization is clearly led by women and femmes. 


I think this guy is the most insidious…the one who offers to walk you home because it’s late..then tries to put the moves on  you when you get to your place.  Or it’s too late for him to walk home, so you offer to let him crash on your couch.  You wake up two hours later and he’s in bed with you, either touching you or actively engaging in intercourse with your unconscious body.

Or maybe you crashed on his couch—because after all, HE’S A NICE GUY, RIGHT? And you wake up a few hours later to him groping you.

ALSO, when you reject this guy/tell him to stop/blow him off because you feel so dirty and traumatized by what happened…he will tell anyone who listens that you rejected him because you’re a cold bitch or an incurable slut.  I’ve been called both.

I told Kim a story of a guy I knew who was a brother of a friend of ours.  He was weird.  LIke always had weird energy and was obsessed with hanging out with my female group of friends.  I didn’t think much of it, because we were all super rad and smart, so I just assumed he really appreciated us.  One night I was at his house and I started to feel really sick.  Like dizzy and weak, as if I had a fever.  He told me to go lie down in his bed.  And when I woke up a few hours later, he was in bed with me and we were both naked.  Sex was happening, but calling it sex almost implies that it was fun. I staggered out of bed and threw my clothes on, walked my bike several miles home, just too dazed and disoriented to really think very much of what had happened.  But I didn’t want to hang out with that guy any more.  And he proceeded to tear me apart to anyone that would listen. I was cold, I was a slut, I was a broken horrible person.  I found out years later that he had done the same thing to at least three of my friends in that circle of women. 

Emma Pitman, who I cited earlier, called this guy “ the Softboy; an underdog with a hurricane sulk, who might not ‘weaponise’ his sensitivity but definitely leverages it to maintain control. If the Fuckboy is an unrepentant asshole, these guys are somewhat repentant, though not enough to change their behaviour. They wear women down by requiring a frankly invoiceable amount of emotional labour, with limited reciprocity or commitment, fostering insecurity and remaining inhospitable to being called out for anything.”


I’m particularly susceptible to The Sad Clown.  He’s hilarious! But tortured! But the life of the party! But self-loathing! And just so wasted all the time.  This guy wants to hang out, definitely wants to have sex as much as possible, but will pretend he doesn’t know you in public half the time…then show up at your house two hours later.  You’ll listen to his problems non stop, give him advice, make him food…and then he’ll try to push you into weird sex stuff that he saw in a porno.  I think in the aughties we started referring to this guy as a Fuckboy?

This guy may also be a musician or artist and therefore, believe that his “creativity” is a license to be just a hot mess/asshole.


This guy…ugh, always the worst first date after you’ve experienced his ilk one time too many.  His taste is ALWAYS better than yours when it comes to music, art, books, film, food, design…whatever his “thing” is.  You will never compare.  Everything you like is garbage. You know nothing about true art.  You should be grateful to receive his expertise, his criticism, his control.  He is the patronizing DADDY OF TASTE that you never thought you needed.  And he will remind you of this every day.  Maybe if you’re lucky he’ll also belittle your taste in front of his friends! They will laugh! You will feel small.   You will never pick the restaurant, the show, the bar. 

This is all about power and control, and I think this might be kind of what it would be like to date Ryan Adams?  He would always tell Mandy Moore--who is very successful and possibly worth more money than he is now in 2021--that “You’re not a real musician, because you don’t play an instrument.’


“I’ll Fix Your Bike In Exchange For A Blow Job”

“Please Be My Mommy and In Exchange I’ll Fuck With Your Self Esteem By Cheating On You Constantly”

“I’m Just A Dude On Tour Who Wants To Crash In Your Living Room (but I’ll get in bed with you after you fall asleep)”

“I’m Just Going to Keep Trying Things I’ll Saw in Porn On You (No Matter How Much You Politely Say No.”